IM AN NOT A VICTIM

What a weekend; feeling things that I never felt before, met people that have touched me in more ways than I could have ever imagined. What did I learn from it all? I learned how to stop being the victim to my own story. I learned how to embrace me for me and understand the reasons for my actions in life.

 

I met so many wonderful people. In particular, there are three people that really touched me: Jeremy Ball, Stacey Wegener, and Luke Quigley Schneider. These amazing souls each taught me an eye-opening life lesson. For a second I, Mouhamad, felt like my story was not worthy compared to these great individuals that are currently facing cancer at it strongest point – with cancer taking over every cell of their bodies – to the point of it telling and controlling them on what they can and cannot do.

 

Angel number one: Stacey. The girl that smiled over a colored painting that said: “eat a bag of dicks”. That had me laughing when I needed it the most. Our conversation escalated quickly & I shared a recent school experience about how anal beads were found in one of my patients. I also joked about wanting to be a fairy unicorn for our movie night event. The second I said that you smiled and said: “YES please be a fairy unicorn”. I’m tearing up because you taught me how to laugh even when you may feel like you don’t have a reason to, and for that Stacey, you became my angel in life.

 

Angel Number two: Luke. The scared one, the “normal” looking one, but yet the one that is looking for humor in the dark. Luke, I remember first talking to you & you touched me in so many ways. I remember you brought up your beard and said “Hey, I remember first looking in the mirror and said who the fuck is this? Frosty?” You are going to face cancer against all odds and you will beat this cancer of yours and, Luke, with your spirit and energy, and the amount of strength I see in you – cancer has no chance. From one survivor to another. This CUNT disease has no chance for angels like us.

 

My last angel, the one that has a voice of a warrior, that has been through a battle unlike any other. A battle that any one of us would have thrown in the flag on. Jeremy, the guy that may be facing a life-ending disease but yet found the time in his day to take a second to make ME realize not to be the victim of my story any longer and to be my own hero. I know you hate when I say my story doesn’t matter here, and you told me this or this is what I got out of the whole convo: You saw me outside of the hall, and just worried I guess, you followed me out after seeing me walking back and forth. We caught each other’s glance and we both knew this was the perfect time to connect. You, Jeremy, taught me the greatest lesson of all: you gave me something so meaningful to you, your hat. Thank you.

 

All three angels taught me a lesson in life: regardless of how bad your day is, someone out there is battling something on a deeper level. Stop being victims to whatever life throws at you – whether it’s cancer, financial issues, breakups, or even a paper cut – life is not too serious to worry about stuff that you cannot control. If you can please take control of yourself, your brain doesn’t tell you to think – you tell your brain to think. At CancerCon, I have gained so many memories. From us playing piano late night, singing a whole new world at the top of our lungs, to crying about the bullshit labels that hospitals and people put on us. Thank you for allowing us and others to come to a community where we can finally understand cancer. Whether the cancer is a blessing, or just plain disgusting, we are all affected the same by it, yet in our own ways.

One thought on “IM AN NOT A VICTIM

  1. Wow! What a wonderful experience. I am so thrilled that you were able to be there, even more excited about what you took away. I can feel your emotions through your words, so much, I got teary eyed. Your message of no longer being the victim touched me and has graced me with another perspective on life with cancer. For that, I thank you and all those who helped you along the way. In all you have been through to get to where you are today, you took the time to pay it forward and contributed to a friend, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I still have quite a distance to go, I have faith I will get through, especially with the support and friendships like yours. Feeling your excitement of fulfilling your wish, is so inspiring. I know in my heart, you will use what you gained to help others along the way. It’s all a part of Gods plan, for you his plan was not for you to be the victim, each day you will lean more by sharing hope with others. One day it will be revealed why you had cancer, it was not to die at an early age, instead it was to live at an early age and give hope to the victims of this disease. God bless you. Again, I am so thrilled you lived your wish!