A LETTER TO AN OLD FRIEND..

Why did you think that you could just come and did what you did? Who the fuck do you think you are? Let ME tell you something.. you made me heartless. You made me turn into this monster that no one wants to be around.

I don’t even want to be around myself at times. Do you know the feeling of coming home at night knowing that everyone thinks of you as a failure because they just fail to understand your message? You have tried over and over again to make me feel like that. When I talk about you, it’s not for a sorry. It’s more for a “holy fuck. you did what to who?”… Lately, all I have been getting is a blank stare.. which is fine. I was always ready for anything that life through my way. I was Mouhamad Beydoun; never once would I have seen you coming.

Let me start off by telling you that life after you.. Life after you hasn’t been all that easy. I have had SO many great moments, as well as a lot of horrible ones. Let me talk to you about some of the good that you brought to my life. You allowed me to fully express who I am as a person. You made me love the people that loved me when I was going through my battles with you. OH, you also taught me not to fear anything, because you are the most feared on this planet, and yet I DESTROYED YOU. Isn’t it funny how I say that with so much confidence, yet feel so ashamed when I speak of you? I guess it’s because I still lie to myself. Of course I fear you coming back, and of course I will never stop talking about you… I tried many places where I thought I could express my feelings about you to and none of them did the job for me. This wasn’t because they personally did something, but more because of the way I expressed myself about you involved so much anger that you turned people off. I became this self-explosive kid that would jump on impulse.. only thing you did, my friend, was make these impulses even stronger.

I carry you around thinking that one day I will just forget. How can I forget when you almost killed me.. I go around telling people this is my story and advise them to live life to fullest.. the response I get back isn’t the one I’m always looking for. SOS call going out loud and clear – I REPEAT… THIS ISN’T FOR A SORRY. The anger that I have comes from a place of all the lost opportunities and things you made me fail to see. Guess what you worthless piece of shit.. I am no longer going to pay you the attention you thrive for. I made you history and I showed you who is boss. You will no longer abuse me or my family with your ugliness. You can’t steal my time any longer because you are now just dead to me ! The very same thing that you tried to do to me is what I ended up doing to you.

Tonight, we mourn the loss of a dear friend. No one is sorry for your loss.. instead, we are all cheering it on that you are dying by the second.. The hate I have for you is like no other.. but wait, maybe I am being a little too harsh.. you’re not all that bad. Hope never see you again, Cancer

 

 

Sincerely Mouhamad Beydoun