Every now and then I need to check in.
This is me checking in. I am not okay but I will be okay. Cancer, fuck you.
Enough with that bullshit. I realized that what we think we become. I am a very positive person but lately, I’ve been getting emotionally drained. I am tired of being nice. I am tired of getting hurt. I am tired of having to explain myself. I am alive, breathing, healthy, grateful, full of wonders, dreams, and most importantly I am: whatever I set my mind to become.
I don’t want to rule. I want to live. I don’t want fame. I want to be remembered. I want to leave an impact on changing the way society views life. I really care for people, but at the same time I don’t give a f*ck when they don’t care about themselves. I find it funny that we hate people that talk about us, but we are so hypocritical because we’re the first to bring ourselves down when anything bad happens. An awkward situation is only awkward if you make it. People make me really question myself; not because of anything else but the way they react to certain situations. Don’t be a hypocrite judging someone when in fact, you’re not perfect either. I want to see humanity succeed, but I know we can’t when we put limits and labels on things that one day will evolve into history.
Have you ever looked into an infinity sign and see how it loops in and out? A never ending line. The beauty about a never ending line is that just because it repeats, the stuff you fill it with shouldn’t. Life is forever but we are not. When you start to see life as you being the problem, and you as others, you’ll start to see that history only repeats itself when we as humans allow it to. Evolving is science and life is real. Don’t look too much into stuff that’s taken away from now – remember that there’s a greater power that made this whole universe and one day we’ll be history. The same history that we read about today.
Is this real life?
You go to the doctor’s office for some medical advice, to find out that the person treating you is smoking a cigarette on their break – the very same person that would tell you to stop smoking because it will cause cancer. That, in itself, is a cancerous motto.
Burning out is real. I am on the verge of burning out. The other night, I went to sleep asking myself a question. Are you ready to die? I felt numb to my response, no fear attached – nothing. I felt like I as a person didn’t want to be involved with the bullshit that this world is facing any longer. Call me depressed, call me suicidal, call me whatever you want – I know what I am. I survived cancer, and yeah I’m saying it again because I’m grateful for life. What I’m not grateful for is seeing a perfectly healthy person waste life. If that offended you, then you offended me for wasting a miracle.
Are we living?
We are a society programmed to talk about the bad but never share our own experience with someone because we are too busy posting about it. Even when a person does speak out, they get dismissed as depressed. Then, that depressed kid goes and shoots up a whole school. As for us, what do we do? We march out and disrupt more life. Yes, that makes sense – the same people that are marching are probably the ones that need that voice. They probably only feel empowered when they share the same common voice. Society doesn’t understand what empathizing is. Empathizing is “putting yourself in that person’s shoes.” Not literally, figuratively. What makes that person cry? What makes that person happy? You nourish a flower with water, love and care not only when it’s breaking apart but all the time to keep it alive. Why do we tell people they are so different in their thought process when we can’t agree on the same thing? What makes me makes you. The only thing we’ll ever totally share in common is death. Death is the only thing in life that is given.
Victims never win.
No one wins, if one is selfish. There are so many people living on planet earth. If the end goal is money, then what is the point of life if all we live is money. I used to walk around feeling entitled and get discouraged when I would put out work and not see views or the income. Money is good but money isn’t life. I know that I need to work but I know that I can’t adopt the mind of a cancerous world. The system is programmed to make us always have to answer to someone. People become VPs and CEOs, and forget where they started. POWER isn’t shit when you die. I want to be remembered when I die. I don’t want to die before I die as I already lost three years of my life getting here. I know that I am here and I should go out and create but it’s hard. I am not complaining but it’s hard. People view you differently. Mindset is that if you get better, look better, you shouldn’t complain and just appreciate. Hurt is beauty when shared – both for myself and you. Without me not feeling the way I do, it would have never allowed me to shift my mind or learn how to love the person that I look at in the mirror. I can tell you why it’s really hard, but I’d rather not, and show you why it isn’t. It’s always going to be mind over body. Then, mind and body shall connect.